I have been feeling somewhat in a rut for the past few months. I have always been the quiet girl. Most of my friends were these loud and outgoing people; I longed to be like them. But I have now accepted that will never be me. And I'm okay with that. I am the quiet, extremely introverted, funny, loving and supportive woman. Shopping is my favorite pass time (I have an addiction) along with cooking, watching movies and spending time with my family.
After numerous unsuccessful relationships, I can honestly say I had given up. I just stopped trying when it came to men. I forced on work and speak my weekends home on the couch stuffing my face and watching tv. I didn't want to date. And if I did, I would find something wrong with the person or it just wouldn't work out. After so much disappointment it, it just became easier for me to shut down that part of my life. I've been at my job almost five years and while I love the people I work with, I feel like I am just going with the motions.
So today, I started this blog. To write out the way I feel. And even if no one ever reads this, I am actually feeling a little better writing it out instead of keeping the way I feel in. This next 31 years, I hope to publish a book, start the process of getting back into college and getting my Associate's degree.
I also want to give dating another chance. Be willing to put myself out there but know when to pull back. Allow myself to love and be loved. I have talked for years about cyrobanks; these next few months into 2017 I plan to do actual research as being a mother (where married or alone) has always been at the top of my list.
I want to mark the numerous bucket list options off as complete. I want to start living and not just existing.